Cold hands, warm shart.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
