I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize