We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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