Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
