Kareoke will never be a sober sport
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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