The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
