And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
