Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
