Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
