you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Randomize