So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
