im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
