four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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