This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
