even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
