Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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