Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
