i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
