used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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