9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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