Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
