never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
She even gives head with a lisp.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize