woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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