oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
