i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Two words: blizzard sex
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
