Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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