Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
