would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
