my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize