You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
