Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
