i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
