Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
