hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
