so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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