There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
