We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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