im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
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