I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
