you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
