He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
