Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Let's get the cat blown out
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
