i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
