Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
