Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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