So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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