normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
