we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
