he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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