This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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