I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
