I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
