I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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