I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just found a bag of teeth...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize