Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
