I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
