if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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