McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Randomize
