OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
