Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
