I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
