you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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