blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
