he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
organizing the empties. That sober.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
