you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
